Oh boy... thank you for those links. I am reading through the red flags right now and it's like an ice bucket being thrown at my face.
I read the book and ever since I did, I focused on my business, my health and my friendships. I actually decided to accept things "as is" and focus on my personal growth. I am a work in progress and always will be, but I feel restless in my own home. I am embarrassed to bring him with me and go out with my friends, so I go with my son or I end up not going. He doesn't know how to have fun besides smoking, drinking or losing control. He calls me boring and tells me I have to accept that once in a while he needs to go crazy. I don't accept that, certainly not when he is drinking wasted or unable to even unlock the gate and wakes everyone up.
When verbal abuse and shame and driving under the influence and neglecting my son started to repeat, I started to panic.