I have seen regular cocaine use consume and kill friends of mine who were superficially successful and most of the time they were also well off financially and athletic (like, Ironman triathlon athletic). The guys who have used into their 40s just seem to lose the plot mentally and it becomes impossible to have a normal conversation with them even in the middle of the day. One guy randomly dropped dead of a heart attack in front of his wife in the kitchenat age 45. So, yeah, a pretty dark place. Best to suffer a bit and get it out of your life,