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Cocaine addiction

Old 11-10-2017, 03:50 AM
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Cocaine addiction

Hi everyone
I’ll get straight to the point, I’ve been using cocaine for at least 20 years and in the last 3 years it has been a daily occurrence and it’s now got to a point that I need HELP
I’ve tried and tried on my own to stop ....
Keeping busy, bed early, staying in, etc etc and I just cannot seem to beat it
I’ve done 2 or 3 days here or there but nothing more than that. It’s now got to the stage that I hit a VERY dark place after use and literally the thoughts of getting/using cocaine fill each and EVERY day for me.
I just cannot see anyway out of this daily habit and it’s making everything else so hard to deal with, life, marriage, etc etc
I’m so down with it all I really just don’t what to do. I think also this is running alongside a sex addiction (of sorts) and again one triggers the other and again it’s not even enjoyable anymore it’s a case that I’m doing it as if it’s just a normal daily occurrence in my life - any advice would be most welcomed as I hate this feeling and cannot believe how weak I am to let this drug rule my life
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Old 11-10-2017, 04:23 AM
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Ob,

Never got addicted hard to anything but booze.

I don't know if the recovery feels the same.

If it is I offer my ideas....

Wanting to quit is half the battle won.

Then it is about being ready to suffer. Being uncomfortable. Acceptance of this as the price I had to pay because of my negligence.

The suffering hurts, but I used exercise to offset it.

I ate whatever I wanted, I worked out as hard as I could.

I got in better shape each day and as time went on, I got used to the suffering and then it went away.

I still have issues...I used booze too long to have not done some serious damage to myself.

Hope this helps.

Thanks.
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Old 11-10-2017, 04:45 AM
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Welcome to the site. I’m sorry to hear how tough things have gotten for you. If you’re using daily, it must mean you have pretty ready access to it. Have you tried cutting those people out of your life? I know it can be expensive but perhaps rehab could be an option. Then there’s NA/AA if you want to try that (I’ve heard that’s actually part of a lot of rehab programs anyway).
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Old 11-10-2017, 05:18 AM
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I have seen regular cocaine use consume and kill friends of mine who were superficially successful and most of the time they were also well off financially and athletic (like, Ironman triathlon athletic). The guys who have used into their 40s just seem to lose the plot mentally and it becomes impossible to have a normal conversation with them even in the middle of the day. One guy randomly dropped dead of a heart attack in front of his wife in the kitchenat age 45. So, yeah, a pretty dark place. Best to suffer a bit and get it out of your life,
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Old 11-10-2017, 05:29 AM
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Cocaine addiction

Many thanks for your reply’s. It’s good to know there are people there that take and the time to respond as any reply is always a comfort to know that if I try hard enough I can change this lifestyle. I’m going to try over this weekend not to let the cravings beat me. It’s going to be so hard, I know that but I’ve got to do something otherwise I’ll be saying i need help in another year then another year etc ... etc ....
I’ve even sat here and thought about the years I’ve had this addiction, in fact the truth is my wife has known me more on cocaine than she has just straight !!!! Very sad really, it’s judt shows you before you know it it’s taken over my life as if it’s “normal” if that makes sense
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Old 11-10-2017, 11:06 AM
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Hi Oberoi.

I've consumed many substances addictively. Booze was #1, with blow as a close #2.

Alcohol withdrawal can kill you. Narcotic withdrawal is generally not fatal, but can be hugely unpleasant and make you WANT to die.

Cocaine withdrawal has comparatively few physical symptoms.

So stopping should be much easier, correct?

WRONG.

Alcohol and heroin cause more DEPENDENCE. ADDICTION is just as strong with cocaine.

The psychological withdrawal from cocaine, as well as other stimulants such as meth, can be devastating. Lack of pleasure in anything, feeling like life has a gauze over it. Feeling completely detached and depersonalized from everyone. Huge depression and anxiety. Dopamine receptors so whacked out that the only way you can feel any sort of pleasure is through using your DOC. Crushing fatigue. Basically that life is useless, empty, and hollow.

In some way the relative lack of physical symptoms is worse. With alcohol withdrawal, if you remain abstinent the changing physiology, while often unpleasant, gives you a marker of progress and you generally see an overall positive progression in mood, outlook and physical well being. Coke doesn't give that kind of feedback.

It may be for these reasons why cocaine relapse is just as prevalent as relapse from other substances which DO cause massive physical dependence.

If you are smoking it in any form, it's much more difficult to stop.

Coke is also frequently comorbid with other substances, as well as sex and gambling addiction.

It really is the devil's dandruff.

However, people do get sober from cocaine every day.

The addiction recovery process has far more in common with other substances than differences. You cannot do this alone. Inpatient recovery is a great way to jump start the process, as you get treatment and a respite from temptation. Outpatient group therapy is also fantastic if available. A psychiatrist can help with any underlying mental health conditions which will surface with a vengeance when you get sober. Cocaine is a common substance that people with bipolar disorder use to self-medicate.

I would also strongly suggest a 12 step program, and definitely CA (Cocaine Anonymous) if there are any groups in your area. You or may not follow the 12 Step model in your recovery, but getting support from fellow addicts early in the recovery process will be eye-opening and hugely helpful.

I do both AA and CA meetings, and my favorite is an all-fellowship meeting. Most of the attendees have been addicted to both alcohol and cocaine, which I can totally relate to. The CA meetings are a bit more inclusive, as AA is more specifically restricted to alcohol, and CA welcomes people with any sort of addiction, and the "look and feel" is a bit different from AA. I actually prefer CA.

You have made the first step. You recognize that you have a problem that has definite and strong negative consequences, that you want to stop using, and that you need help to stop. This is 12 Step 1. You recognize that you are powerless over your substance, and that your life has become unmanageable. It's basically surrender to your addiction.

Congratulations!

Next is to get that help and start the road to sobriety.

Good luck on your journey.
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Old 11-10-2017, 03:48 PM
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Hi and welcome Oberoi007

I have no experience to share with coke, but SR helped me turn my life around - the understanding support and encouragement here is amazing.

I know we can help you too

D
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Old 11-10-2017, 04:01 PM
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I want to welcome you as well and I believe you can change if you are committed to doing so.
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Old 11-10-2017, 04:03 PM
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Hi OP. It wasn't very long term (less than a year) and it was over a decade ago, but I had a cocaine addiction too. Coke is scary. Even to this day (well, until a week ago) when I would get super drunk I would start searching for coke - and it's been years since I've even used! So I can imagine it's really hard for you.

Try to find an NA meeting in your area, or if you can, go to an inpatient center. Godspeed.
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Old 11-12-2017, 05:14 AM
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As Stronger mentioned, and Sober alluded to, it might be a good idea to burn your address book as well. I've realized that my cokehead/alcoholic friends (alcoholic friends can be ok for daytime meetings) are burning platforms and that it's best just to steer clear of them altogether so my own boat doesn't catch on fire when they inevitably blow up.
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Old 11-12-2017, 05:15 AM
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(realizing of course that no one actually has address books anymore, but I just wanted to talk about burning things, cathartic)
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Old 11-12-2017, 07:14 AM
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I got to a similar point with coocaine after just a couple years.

It was tremendously hard to get clean, especially where I was living in a place I could have it delivered about any time day or night.

The psychological addition to the ritual and the intensity of the craving was unreal... at first it was about people I used with but then eventually it was just me, doing lines alone in my house and looking out all paranoid someone might come over. I was a slave and it wasn’t at all enjoyable.

I had to delete and block all dealers numbers, distance myself from friends who used and TOTALLY change up my habits to get away from it. Eventually I even moved to a different country, though by that time I’d managed several months without coke.

I feel ya, you can do this but it means cutting it loose entirely. I’d consider going away to a rehab or a vacation free from the familiar influences of you can. Give yourself a break and a way to step out of that habitual cycle for a while. Somewhere there will be zero chance of finding your way to a bindle.

You can do this and it will be so worth it
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