Originally Posted by
ScottFromWI 
I felt that way too at one point - that somehow me not being able to drink was a punishment. I could not fathom how I could possibly live or enjoy my life without alcohol as i literally drank every waking moment of the day other than the few hours I was at work or asleep.
I reached the stage you are at too where i was physically dependent on alcohol and withdrawal landed me in the ER. I can tell you definitively that it is NOT possible to go back to "moderate drinking" in almost every single case i've seen. And kindling is definitely real. If you thought your last WD's were bad, they might be tame in reference to the possibilities next time. And while it's rare, remember that people do die from alcohol withdrawals. We hear about it here more often than you'd think.
That's definitely where I am right now - feeling like I'm being punished and screwed out of fun and a stress-relief solution the rest of my (probably short) life.
The fear of going through withdrawals again, and worse ones, is the only thing keeping me from grabbing some cheap vodka again. It is hell every time and that's without the most severe complications - can't imagine what full on DT's is like, even reading peoples' recounts of it.
One big thought I have is how sad it is no one seems to know about how bad and difficult alcohol withdrawal is except -some- doctors and alcoholics. By some doctors I mean several I've seen criticized my drinking and seemed angry; others were nice and understanding. But the general public doesn't know anything about it. My family and ex-friends didn't know the severity and dangers, until I had started researching and had to explain to some of them. I didn't even know until a few years ago and that was after drinking for years. Seems to be something everyone should know since half of these people enjoy bingeing for a day or two at a time, then knock you for being dependent without knowing what its doing.