I don't know why exactly, but your posts keep making me think of a thread I once read on here, even though you haven't said exactly what fits in with the discription. Anyway, I'll give you the link because sometimes things can come to mind for a reason. If its way off beam then obviously ignore it.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ve-bomber.html (The Love Bomber)
Whatever. I would say that you are not happy being with him while he's still active in his addiction, and it doesn't sound like he's ready to get clean. And you can't make him want that or be ready to do the (very hard) work that it will entail. Just like you can't learn to ride a bike for someone you love.
I think its important to be realistic about the choices, which are...
1) Be with him and accept that he will use drugs and treat you like dirt at times
2) Move on and spend time with people who are capable of reciprocating genuine affection
It sounds like he's just kinda doing the old addict play-acting thing. Trying desperately to act being the person he wants to be (mature, manly, in control of a woman, a gentleman) - and you know, all these things are great aspirations, and may well be exactly who the clean version of himself could be. What put me in so much pain when I was still drinking was that I knew who I wanted to be. I still 'thought' my moral code when sober. But when I drank I lost my integrity, and was incapable of following through. What I thought and believed to be right was at odds with what I said and did. It meant my esteem was affected (ooooohh, best have a drink then!!) and eventually I ended up hating myself (again, I drank on that). Of course, drinking or using just perpetuated the cycle. To get that integrity back I needed to get sober. Take responsibility for myself. Accept my shortcomings and learn to deal with my insecurities in a different way. That's all recovery, and the first step has to be wanting to stop the insanity,get out of the vortex of use-act out - shame and being prepared to be a grown up. It took me til I was 41 to find that willingness, and I hurt a lot of lovely people in the couple of decades leading up to that. It might well take your Peter Pan some time to get to that stage as well. There is nothing you can do to get him there quicker, apart from allow him to face the consequences of his actions (which would involve you leaving him to it - hard as that might be).
I appreciate that it's painful though.
BB