Sounds like you're at the point I was when I stopped drinking. AA calls it "the gift of desperation". I came within a hair's breath of dying and knew if I didn't stop drinking I would die (but not quick enough). So on my hands and knees I crawled into AA and said "I need help". I got it in spades, the fellowship of the program carried me along until I could stand. Now, 26 years later, I help others who can't stay sober on their own. If you totally give up and take advice it works, I promise.
A big hug