Originally Posted by Berrybean

I was worried about what people would think of me as well. Gradually, as I stayed sober I realised (actually with the help of a few comments from my boss) that this was an area I needed to work on. I had to free myself from the fear I felt around what others might think of me or say about me (even people who I didn't even like or respect!!) I realised that half the reason I needed to drink when I went out and 'had fun' was that I was trying to be something and someone I'm not. I projected the image of fun, social, hip, confident, slightly- caustically-witty bird, but actually in sobriety I've remember how much I hated large social gatherings when younger. How I was actually happier curled up with a book, or with just one or two close friends, taking ling walks, cooking, writing stories, drawing and the like. At what point I decided all those things were signs of weakness and not-enoughness I'm not sure. Anyway - nowadays if I'm not enough for someone I comfort myself that I don't owe them entertaining or cool or confident or gregarious. They're perfectly at liberty to DIY or find some other sucker to entertain them. It took some sober recovery time, but I have been able (for the most part) to reconcile myself to who and what I am. And that integrity and acceptance had given me much more peace than any kind of 'reputation' ever did. When I first heard (in an AA meeting) 'what other people think about me is none of my business' I really couldn't understand how anyone could think that to be true, let alone get to the stage where I could think and believe it. It took a couple of years, but I did get there. As long as I know I have done the next right thing and acted with integrity, then what others think isn't important.

I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB