It seems like you're having very normal reactions to traumatic situations.
Maybe your gut is saying "don't trust" for a reason... and that doesn't have anything to do with him, but everything to do with taking care of your own well-being.
Have you heard of Alanon? It's for anyone who has a problem with someone else's drinking, whether or not it's alcoholism, whether or not they're still drinking.
Meetings and info:
https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings...-anon-meeting/
It's a safe place to get support for ourselves. Face to face support from those who truly understand is very important.
Keep posting here, too. The bigger your support network, the quicker the healing.