All of us who suffer, and are recovering, are in my prayers.
Prayer, heartfelt prayers, saved me over six years ago and still save me, and keep me sane, today.
Welcome to the forums.
We all deserve to be sober. And we can. Put as much effort and time into quitting that you did imbibing, drunk and recovering from it into trying to stay sober is a good start.
Have you considered, or tried, some kind of recovery group? It can take action.
And believe me, I needed action.
I drank alcoholically for thirty years. And I was a bad drunk.
I tried and fell flat so many times I can't count them. Solemn oaths, swearing it off and my best intentions weren't enough. I needed help and support. You'll find that here and in AA or another recovery method.
Best to you. And don't give up before the miracle happens. And I pray that for you.