Hello everyone. Thank you all for the responses and the kind thoughts and wishes. I wanted to respond to some of the questions posed.
1. What did I find helpful during the 2 1/2 years of sobriety. I am not sure on this point. It seems that I got so scared over the symptoms I was experiencing, all my internet symptom checking, the fear that something serious was wrong and what I perceived to be the depression and anxiety caused by the alcohol that I finally decided to stop the "bs" and straighten myself out. It was like a watershed moment and I did refer to it as that during my postings on this site in 2012. I found myself crying at a busy intersection downtown because of all of the distress the alcohol was causing me that I said THAT'S IT!! and I just stopped. I waited for approximately 6 months after I stopped to go see my family doctor for a check up. I told him all about my alcohol consumption and was truthful about the quantity. He sent me for testing. During the ultrasound test of my liver I asked the technician if he saw anything and he replied "You will have to speak to your doctor". This comment freaked me out. I thought OMG he found something bad, oh no! All that constant pain in my left side was something after all.
I went to see my family doctor about 2 weeks later. He reviews my results of the various tests with me and says: Your test results were great all the values were in the really good ranges. He says keep up whatever you are doing and gives my some minor dietary tips. I was so happy and relieved. This was in September, 2012. I felt like I was given a gift or a second chance. How could all that constant pain, intermittent gout, stiffness, blackouts, constant waking in the night after buzz wore off etc. all be nothing? Could I really have just rebounded by not touching a drop in 7 months? Well I guess it was true because I was fine for the next 2 years, nothing except good health. Even the excema on my right palm cleared up completely. I understand that this excema could have been due to issues with my liver. I recall being in the testing place and looking around at all of the long faces in the waiting room and thinking - these people are seriously ill - cancer etc.? OMG what have I done to myself!The fact that I was so worried about my symptoms and then I am told I am fine - I thought that was a miracle, so much so, that I said I am never going to put myself in that position again. I hated myself for putting myself there, but I also realized that I got away with it and I should not abuse that gift. I think that this aspect was a real motivator for the 2 1/2 years of sobriety. I recall on many occassions that only bad can come from drinking, not good - so why exactly would I want to. This logic kept me from stopping in and buying beer. I would just drive by the liquor store and keep going with a sense of satisfaction that I was doing the right thing, that I was strong and mature and not controlled by alcohol.
2. I do not know what I have to do differently this time, other than to realize that I cannot think that I can have a few beer and that's it. If that does not work and I slip up, I think that I will seek out professional help in the form of counselling etc. Right now I am pretty pumped up that I am going to succeed. The strange or peculiar thing I find is like it seems that I am too different people, the one in the morning who is full of regret, disgust and reslove and then the one on the way home who says, "just this one more time". If I can figure out or beat that guy who says "just this one more time" I think I will solve my problem.
3. Went home last night from work as usual, drove right by my liquor store without stopping, did not even think about it, actually it occurred to me about 2 miles past that I did not even look or realize that I drove by the store. I was on my mission. Get home at a healthy meal, interacted with my family, watched TV and went to sleep at 10:00 p.m. no beer, no significant craving or at least it was surpresssed by my resolve. I have about 4 tall cans of beer at home stashed away. Did not even consider dipping into the stash. Not sure what to do with these, either pour them down the drain or keep them cause the longer I keep them the more they will remind me of my success, but if I am not going to drink then I do not need to risk a moment of weakness and relapse, so I am going to pour them down the drain. Good bye garbage!!
Anyways still woke up in the middle of the night to go to bathroom. I noticed that I was no where near as stiff as I had been in the past. Usually I walk like a 90 year old man in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. This time just got up and walked normal, so much so, that I noticed it right away. Also feel more clear headed. Still have the mild pain in my right side that comes and goes, hopefully it will go with the passage of time. Same thing with the minor aches here and there which seem to pop up in all sorts of areas of my body, do not know what these are and how they are caused by alcohol. I can ache in my foot one moment, the next its my groin and the next its my shoulder. I think that this will pass, hopefully, in a week or two.