I'm just picking apart the evidence, so bear with me.
1) You've dealt with 5 years of his addiction recovery (am I right?).
2) He was out of rehab for 6 months, relapsed and reentered with 3 months... then came out again? So he's basically only been in rehab for 3 months, because every time they relapse, they start back where they left off.
3) He's been an addict since 14 and now is 46. He has been struggling with sobriety for 32 years (!). In 32 years, he has not been able to maintain sobriety.
4) He still has the urge to use drugs.
5) You still question his sobriety and are pretty sure he's back to using. 3 months of rehab does not make a person sober. Whatever psychological problem that caused him to use drugs for 32 (!!!) years is still there. My ex has been an addict using drugs on and off (never being sober for more than 2-3 months) for 22 years -- that's more than 2 decades. 10 of those years were with me. You had 5 years with this guy. STOP. Before you're a sad, lonely, poor, angry, pathetic, old Okatz.
6) He's living with a newly recovering addict. That's convenient in more ways than one.
Your question is: do newly recovering addicts continue with the same behaviors they had while in active addiction?
Yes and no. Yes because they are in the early stages so while they may be sober, they have years of emotional immaturity and trauma and avoidance issues to unpack -- people don't use drugs because they are happy campers with no hurt. And no because some of them are better than unpacking than others.
HOWEVER... I believe that your ex is NOT a newly recovering addict. I believe he is not even sober. Therefore, he is not recovering, he is just an addict. Unless he continues with his program (not leaving rehab and shacking up with someone who is okay with him continuing to use), he is not recovering, and won't be.
If he's been in and out of rehab for 5 years your relationship has been in limbo for 5 years, and that's a long time to try to wiggle under a stick.
I know it's probably not what you want to hear and I get that. I often think of how wonderful it would be if my ex were to become sober in 5 years. I would be posting and asking the same questions if he were to contact me.
Originally Posted by
chambersk71 
I have gone through this same thing with my ex for the past five years. He just got out of rehab for 6 months and relapsed and re-entered rehab in June for another 3 months. I told him I didn't think he was ready considering he has been dealing with addiction since the age of 14 and he is now 46. I wanted to use a post that was posted years ago and wanted to know do newly recovering addicts who still talk about urges and using, continue with the same behaviors that they did during active addiction. I still question his sobriety at this time and I'm pretty sure he is back to using, even if it's not to the extent of what it was before. He is now with a newly recovering addict