I find myself angrily trying to accept that I may never fill that void that lives within my soul. That I won't get the things I truly want, like genuine intimacy through love and friendships.
When I entered the rooms of AA someone said "the person who first walks through this door will drink again". Another person said, "change or die". Bill Wilson, in the AA Big Book", says drinking is but a symptom of a much larger problem: the alcoholic is full of self-centered fear, grandiosity coupled with low self-esteem, selfishness. With the help of a sponsor and the fellowship, working the 12 Steps, I eventually had the life I always wanted. Putting down the drink is the first step, it's the hard work we do on ourselves that changes our lives. It takes much longer than we want and is hard work.