The best advice I ever got was 'No Matter What' , to end an addiction to alcohol one must decide to never drink again , NMW. It's not newbie centric, abstinence is the cure.
Learning about AVRT showed me how stop talking myself into trying to deny that simple truth. Great threads on those ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum.
Sorry to hear about your family's loss and I hope you son is continuing to heal, don't let your AV manipulate you into using those unfortunate situations as boozing sessions.
Being present and clearheaded for them will make you feel bettter in the long run, yeah? That wine witch, the AV , doesn't consider your happiness or well being , IT only wants the booze.