I hear you. When I first started to try and get sober, if I was feeling good and decided, 'Hey, I'm better why not drink?' And I did. More times than I can even recall.
I had to get serious. It took me quite awhile, too. Even though I was getting the same result over and over.
Sober for awhile, then drink. I guess that's the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
I agree with the above, get a sponsor. work the steps, see your counselor.
Believe me, you'll save yourself a lot of misery and regret. And come here, too.
Welcome to the forums. we're here to help. Keep coming back.