You said you can’t get past Step 1? Seems to me you have and you’re relapsing because you have not chosen to go to Steps 2 and 3. You understand that you’re powerless over alcohol and your life is unmanageable, right? Write down today how you’re powerless over alcohol and how your life is unmanageable. Now move on to Steps 2 and 3. Use the Big Book and 12 and 12 to guide you. Soon you will be on Step 4 in no time. You can do all of this without a sponsor. Google and online resources can guide you how to work the steps until you choose to get a sponsor, if that is what you want.