Welcome, b0glerd. It's so good to have you join us. It really helps to talk about what you're going through with people who have been there.
I can certainly relate. Alcohol turned me into a completely different person in the final years of my drinking career. I was confrontational and inconsiderate - the exact opposite of my true self. What had once been happy and fun was destroying me. It was really hard to admit that each time it was in my system, unexpected and dangerous things happened. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. Wish it hadn't taken me so long to see the light. I'm glad you are taking action now. Please be kind to yourself and know that you can turn this around. We will help.