b0glerd69

Hi everyone. I posted an introductory thread on the wrong page so I thought I would come here and introduce myself, my alcohol problem and look for advice on the way forward.

I am a 48 yr old male from Scotland, UK. I have been drinking heavily since I started in my late teens. I have had numerous problems over the years from my drinking resulting in numerous blackouts, failed relationships, time in Police cells, numerous embarrassments at social and work events and deep hungover depressions.

Since around turning 40 I have been more acutely aware of my alcoholism and I have gone for long spells sober. It's difficult for me to provide exact figures but taking this year as an example, I have consumed alcohol on only 4 occasions and even when I limit my intake to this extent I still find that I cannot drink responsibly/normally.

My most recent mortifying incident was on Monday night, this week at a work event. It was a training course followed by a free bar for 2 hours afterwards. Needless to say, I was far drunker than all my colleagues at the end of the night and apparently told my colleagues to 'f*** off' and tendered my verbal resignation, twice! Nice, eh?

The upshot of my latest relapse has been a week or shame and fear, the same old feelings over and over and actually I am so furious at myself as my performance ay work has been very good, I am on track for promotion and everything was looking good. It has literally been months since I last drank. I attend one-night featuring alcohol and BOOM.

So, I'm now ready to seek support. My recovery up to this point has been self-sustained and as I have mentioned has been over long periods of time. Basically, my alcoholism has been untreated. From the reading I have done I don't consider myself to be alcohol-dependent but I am definitely unable to control my drinking and therefore alcoholic.

What I wanted to ask those more experienced in recovery is what support or recovery strategies do you think would be best for someone like me who is not alcohol dependent but sill alcoholic. Should I go the CBT road or AA? I have never attended an AA meeting before but I'm ready to take the step.

I realise with some terror that I'll never defeat the disease unless I admit it fully and publically and ask for support. I have tried so hard, over a long time (years) on my self-sustained recovery but I need the final push and the support to give it up for good.

Thanks for hearing my story and I thank you for all of your posts on the disease that we all fight together. Some of your stories bring tears to my eyes as I can relate on such a deep level.

God bless. b x

corriec

Hi b0gler. I haven't been on this forum long; just a few months. But what I've read and learned in that time - which is PLENTY - tells me a couple of things about your post. Most important, methinks, is that you admit to having a problem with the sauce; that you have no control over it once you drink, and its effect on you is not just harmful, but shameful and denigrating. And that you really want to leave it, permanently this time.
As far as I'm concerned, you have already taken the first few steps towards doing just that - leaving alcohol altogether - permanently. One: by admitting your problem. Two: by wanting to leave it. Three: by asking for help, and four: by joining this SR forum.
Unlike you, I believe I can do it by myself; without the help and support of AA and other related groups, but definitely with the help of God, and - very important - the support of friends and fellow-forum members on SR. And please don't misunderstand me - I hear and believe AA is great, if it works for you, by all means use it for all its worth, as often as you can. It's just not for me, for several reasons.
However you decide to go about addressing/solving your addiction, though, I wish you the best of luck, and many, many years of sobriety ahead.

Stayingsassy

Welcome. I am 48 also and my history is similar to yours. Humiliation is a powerful motivator. I unfortunately can relate to your last drunk. Different story, same idea.

I don’t know if AA will be for you or not...only one way to find out. Considering you have only had 4 episodes in a year you could look into avrt also. Best wishes.

Obladi

Look into everything that interests you AA, SMART/CBT, AVRT, SOS, Lifering. My perspective is that there is a common thread that runs through all and that is maintaining the determination to stay stopped.

I benefit greatly from using SR, in-person meetings and therapy for my underlying "stuff."

Welcome! I wish you the best on your journey.

O

tomsteve

id suggest reading the big book of alcoholics anonymous to find out of AA is for you. the program has a lot of awesome promises- promises that can materialize as a result of working the steps.
to add, AA isnt just for low bottom drunks who became physically dependent.

i found it to work pretty good for me and has given me a pretty nice life.

b0glerd69

Thanks for your messages of support and advice. I will continue researching and will try a few meetings. I like the idea of spiritual healing and wellbeing that AA promotes and didn't mean to insinuate negatively in any way. I really appreciate your replies.

Obladi

I don't think you insinuated anything - you said you were willing to try what works. A very open attitude that is commendable and also offers great promise for your success!

Let us know how you get on and how we can help.

O

tomsteve

all good here,b0glerd. the only reason i mention reading the BB is because quite a few people just go to a meeting or 2 then say AA didnt work or isnt for them- they dont read the big book to find out what the program is about and what can happen as a result of working it.

it would be very wise to check out different meetings,too.
and remember- people in AA are at different stages/levels/ points of recovery.there could be some spiritually,mentally, and/or emotionally sick people.keep an open mind,eh?

Hevyn

Welcome, b0glerd. It's so good to have you join us. It really helps to talk about what you're going through with people who have been there.

I can certainly relate. Alcohol turned me into a completely different person in the final years of my drinking career. I was confrontational and inconsiderate - the exact opposite of my true self. What had once been happy and fun was destroying me. It was really hard to admit that each time it was in my system, unexpected and dangerous things happened. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. Wish it hadn't taken me so long to see the light. I'm glad you are taking action now. Please be kind to yourself and know that you can turn this around. We will help.

bullmas

Hello b0glerd , I had to wakeup after decades of drinking , to my health issues , the constant relationship and mental turmoil with others. My abuse pattern would always repeating itself because of me trying to quit on my own , I needed more support from sources like S/R and others that works for me , Check around and find what works best for you.
Cheers

Stayingsassy

There’s a line in the movie Silver Linings Playbook: “one incident can change a lifetime.”

Applies to alcoholism in so many ways. Applies to my quit as well. Your story reminded me of that, your sobriety for months, one big binge, and one awful incident. I hope the fallout was repairable and what it means is that you’re done with alcohol. It’s how I see the incident I experienced: terrible, but with a silver lining.

Gottalife

A part of the AA big Book that is becoming a favourite for me is a very helpful statement in terms of clarifying whether AA is for you. It goes:

"Whether or not you can recover on a non-spiritual basis will depend on the extent to which you have already lost the power to choose whether you will drink or not"

I lost the power of choice in drink, but not everybody does. Even for those of us that have, the ego usually drives some tremendous efforts to prove this is not so, and we can sort our selves out (thank you very much). Then comes defeat and surrender, closely followed by complete recovery. That is my experience anyway.