Nice job on posting Babescake. No judgment here. Most of us have been where you are or worse, sometimes much, much worse. We're all here to support you.
As others have said, this crappy disease is progressive. You either quit and start a new life that, for many of us, is really great. Or you don't and it gets worse. It's really that simple. My life is sometimes totally awesome and sometimes sucky, but the good far outweighs the bad and I figure I've given myself a fighting chance at true happiness by putting this horrible addiction behind me. And the thing is, if I had kept drinking, there was only one path my life could follow, which was bad to worse to worser to worsest. And, being sober, I know that worser and worsest aren't real words, but they are still real because they are where I was heading a few years ago.
Sending support your way.