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I am scared

Old 10-24-2017, 09:47 PM
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I am scared

But too ashamed to make a post. God, it is a freaking anonymous website and I still want to lie or not bother. I am scared. I still don't drink daily but in a matter of months, I can hold a pint of vodka without a hangover, taken binge wise. Have I crossed over? This scares the **** out of me. It depends on food of course, but I always stuff my face. I theorize 5 shots is norm and cool. Stay with and then of course get more. Drunk driving. Not cool. I used to be so opposed and now I do it myself. Disgusting. I am lost and scared, yet gaining weight is a trigger. No judging with that mindset please.
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Old 10-24-2017, 09:49 PM
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Making this post is a huge step in the right direction
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Old 10-24-2017, 10:23 PM
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I'm happy you're here and welcome.
You can post as much or as little as you like.
I only read posts for a long time, too. I was scared to post.
Hope to hear more from you.
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Old 10-25-2017, 03:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Babescake View Post
Have I crossed over?
I'm not sure where you thought you were to where you "crossed over" to? Some metaphysical point? Some line in the sand you never thought your drinking would take you? Have you hit bottom?

You have to have read it here a hundred times...alcoholism is progressive. You've been struggling two years to quit and stay quit. You've been heading in this direction. But what I think you've experienced is the same clarity that struck me when I decided to quit. I saw exactly where my drinking had taken me, and where it was headed. The veil of denial was lifted.

I hope you seek the help you need with your alcoholism. More importantly, professional help for the unhealthily fixation with your weight. This fixation has become a tool for your addiction and has you caught in a terrible cycle. You blame sobriety for your weight gain, it drives you to drink, where you then engage in more food binging and weight gain. Only to fixate on the weight even more.

Please see a dietitian nutritionist for the weight issue, or a mental health professional. And for crossing the line of alcoholism--a substance abuse program would prove helpful.
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Old 10-25-2017, 05:42 AM
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We all get it here. no judgement. you do not have to lie. 5 shots is not normal and not cool just in terms of your health. If you are ashamed or guilty of your drinking; that is enough. I was too, and I feel so much better not drinking. good luck. you do not need alcohol at all, once you realize that you will be free.
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Old 10-25-2017, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Babescake View Post
But too ashamed to make a post. God, it is a freaking anonymous website and I still want to lie or not bother. I am scared. I still don't drink daily but in a matter of months, I can hold a pint of vodka without a hangover, taken binge wise. Have I crossed over? This scares the **** out of me. It depends on food of course, but I always stuff my face. I theorize 5 shots is norm and cool. Stay with and then of course get more. Drunk driving. Not cool. I used to be so opposed and now I do it myself. Disgusting. I am lost and scared, yet gaining weight is a trigger. No judging with that mindset please.
It's up to you to decide whether you have a problem, but here are some thoughts:

* If you don't have a problem then why would you feel ashamed?
* What do you think the negative effects of a pint of vodka is on your liver and overall health?
*5 shots will put you over the legal limit for driving and will get you drunk. Is this "norm and cool?"
* Whenever I drank I tended to eat like a drunken pig. I mean everything from a full pizza to a full plate of nachos in sour cream, etc., If weight gain is a trigger, then drinking is just keeping you in this vicious cycle.
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Old 10-25-2017, 10:38 AM
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Hi Babes,

If I were you (and I kind of am), the input from doggonecarl would feel like a punch in the stomach. To me. I would blush, feel shame and kick myself for posting. Don't! Reading it from my perspective today I just wanted to say it looks like it's offered with (dare I say) love and concern. At least that's how I would "second" that input.

I've been working really hard on multiple issues, one of which is a preoccupation with food and weight. But somewhere along the way... I decided to just LET GO of the weight thing. For now. Being sober is far more important in the scheme of things. Fitness can come later.

I didn't do this on my own. I've been getting help from one-one therapy, AA, IOP and meditation. None of which had anything to do whatsoever with my weight phobias, but somehow this is the result. And I think the somehow is related to pulling my head out of the self-mutilation mill.

Come on over!
It's hard, but worth it!

O
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Old 10-25-2017, 10:41 AM
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Also
Ice cream is good
And over the course of 4 weeks I gained a few pounds but then lost them.
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Old 10-25-2017, 11:52 AM
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Have you crossed over? I think that you know the answer to that. Can you stop drinking right now, today and never look back? If not, you have crossed over, and as Betty Ford said, 'Once you cross over the invisible line, you can never go back'.

The good news is that you're here and seeking support. We don't judge.
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Old 10-25-2017, 12:28 PM
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Nice job on posting Babescake. No judgment here. Most of us have been where you are or worse, sometimes much, much worse. We're all here to support you.

As others have said, this crappy disease is progressive. You either quit and start a new life that, for many of us, is really great. Or you don't and it gets worse. It's really that simple. My life is sometimes totally awesome and sometimes sucky, but the good far outweighs the bad and I figure I've given myself a fighting chance at true happiness by putting this horrible addiction behind me. And the thing is, if I had kept drinking, there was only one path my life could follow, which was bad to worse to worser to worsest. And, being sober, I know that worser and worsest aren't real words, but they are still real because they are where I was heading a few years ago.

Sending support your way.
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Old 10-25-2017, 01:06 PM
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i think scared can be good, if we use it to motivate ourselves to change.

drinking isn't gonna get you anywhere. never does. not in one single member's story here, of the thousands, has drinking brought about true happiness, joy, contentment or peace. it's a big dead end.

fortunately there are solutions. there are lots of manners and methods to get sober and stay sober. it's a matter of seizing onto one and not letting go no matter what.

the secondary issue with concern about weight gain is best handled with a trained professional, as there is more going on that just what the scale says. you can also safely explore the dichotomy of being very concerned about image, yet at the same time ingesting alcohol that is sure to destroy you over time. there ARE keys to those locks and you can find them.

it will require willingness. honesty. openmindedness.
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Old 10-25-2017, 06:03 PM
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Babescake,
No judgment here either, wouldn’t dream of it! Like others have said above, you need to look at your priorities and from what I’ve learned here on SR, that means to stop drinking first and foremost. This is the crucial step to recovery, and everything else comes after that. So even if weight gain is threatening your self image, you need to get over it, so you can fight this horrible disease.
One of the guys here told the story of how he once rolled on the floor and covred himself with ketchup and corn flakes to prevent himself from going out and buying alcohol. That’s a disgusting story if I’ve ever heard one, but he was spot on: not drinking is job #1! He demonstrated to what lengths one has to go to stay sober!
So going back to your situation (and mine, lol!) being sober trumps gaining weight any time of the day, so we need to take it one step at a time. In the first three months of my sobriety, the urge for sugar in the evening was just incredible, but I was at peace with it, even though the (delicious !) ice cream really jacked up my weight. But now the urge to drink has gone and so have the sugar cravings, so I’ve decided that it’s now time to watch what I eat. Ice cream has been replaced by johurt and berries in the evening, let’s see how it goes.
Doing too many things at a time is really overwhelming for me and I suspect it might be for you, too!
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Old 10-26-2017, 02:59 PM
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how are you today Babescake ?
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Old 10-26-2017, 03:10 PM
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Hey babescake,

I did the same thing with my weight. I used alcohol to stay slender. But lets look at this logically, shall we?

So in the absence of any and all nutrition, we pour alcohol down our throats, it hits our system hard, we become almost immediately buzzed, the alcohol soaks our stomach lining, filters through our blood, infuses our organs...all with no nutrition whatsoever. Over the next 24 hours the body is stressed and wastes magnesium, vitamin C, B vitamins, there is little or no protein for cell or muscle maintenance, basically: When we drink without eating, we abuse our body in ways similar to throwing ourselves out of a moving car, or ingesting drano, or perhaps swallowing some glass, its a death move. And yes while those things I mentioned can kill you: so can one alcohol binge with no food. It happens.

If you abuse alcohol no matter how much nutrition you get, you are malnourished. You have a malnourished body.

Pouring alcohol into a malnourished body is worse than dumping cookies, sweets, sugar sodas, and other crap into a malnourished body, but only by degrees.

Your body needs healing foods. If you were the mother of your own body, how would you feed it after a long illness? More alcohol? Candy?

Separate your alcohol problem from your eating issues. Quit drinking and feed your body exactly what it needs and get rid of your scale.

Eating well you will feel better and better, your sleep will improve, and so will your outlook.

I'm only rambling here because based on what carl said...you're stuck in that same cycle I was in. Trust me its a very dangerous one.
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Old 10-26-2017, 04:17 PM
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Hows it going Babescake?

D
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Old 10-26-2017, 06:02 PM
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Day 2 complete. Ate healthily for the most part. Had some urges to drink, but I won't. Time to conquer my demons, both the alcohol and the weight.
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Old 10-26-2017, 08:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
If you abuse alcohol no matter how much nutrition you get, you are malnourished. You have a malnourished body.
Not to mention dehydrated. I used to be so pleased when I dropped weight overnight way back in the when I was drinking only occasionally. It was likely water weight!

Good for you on Day 2, Babes! Once you're through the weekend you'll be just about at a week.

I'm confident you can slay these beasts. Do you think you can put forth every ounce of effort right now to simply Not Drinking? Leave the effort to attain/maintain a particular weight for later? I know how very stressful fretting over either or both of these things can be and am certain the booze needs to go first. I think the improvements you will see in your skin, hair and eyes will help with the looks thing. It does with me anyhow.

Thanks for checking in!!
We care...

O
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Old 10-26-2017, 08:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Babescake View Post
Day 2 complete. Ate healthily for the most part. Had some urges to drink, but I won't. Time to conquer my demons, both the alcohol and the weight.
Congrats on day 2! You’re on your way!

I’m always good with “healthy for the most part” days. I consider those a success.

Happy sober sleep to you tonight.
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Old 10-26-2017, 10:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Obladi View Post
Not to mention dehydrated. I used to be so pleased when I dropped weight overnight way back in the when I was drinking only occasionally. It was likely water weight!

Good for you on Day 2, Babes! Once you're through the weekend you'll be just about at a week.

I'm confident you can slay these beasts. Do you think you can put forth every ounce of effort right now to simply Not Drinking? Leave the effort to attain/maintain a particular weight for later? I know how very stressful fretting over either or both of these things can be and am certain the booze needs to go first. I think the improvements you will see in your skin, hair and eyes will help with the looks thing. It does with me anyhow.

Thanks for checking in!!
We care...

O
I am trying to do it as a combo as it is a trigger for me and I don't want to let the obsession and depression fester any longer than necessary. I will focus on creating good habits. I know how to as I used to be an extremely healthy eater and avid exerciser until just a year or two ago, maintaining a healthy BMI and losing all my baby weight. It is just a matter of simply doing it. I have suffered from depreszion long before I had a drinking problem and besides the weight and low motivation, no real physical effects. I rarely drink every day and the escalation in the amount has just been for a few months, so I have gotten off fairly easily so far in terms of no physical withdrawal symptoms. 2 days is not a big achievement for me. I do that routinely as I have more sober days than not. However, I need some consistency, like not drinking period and making healthy choicez.
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Old 10-27-2017, 11:15 AM
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I didn’t drink every day. To hold my career and family in place I stayed off booze 3-4 days a week. Yet the way I drank when I did drink classifies almost as stage 4 alcoholism. Don’t kid yourself about the days off drinking: some of the most serious alcoholics have that pattern.
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