AV is just the label i huck on the part of me that seeks self destruction at every point it can. it doesnt even have to be booze. that part of me could also have me sign up for a loan i cant afford or some committment i'll never be able to fulfill or get me to take on way more then i can handle. I swear it does all that to try and then come aroudn when i'm stressed and freaking out cause i've over done it again and it whispers in my ear "how about a drink?". the AV is cunning its 10 steps ahead of the sane part of my brain. its always plotting and schemeing how it can somehow get me to screw myself over and eventaully reach for a drink.
I can see why some thought this illness was a form of schitzophranea or something at one point. It really does feel as if theres some other person in me that just wants to take over the wheel and drive me off a cliff by getting me to make poor choice after poor choice. I can hardly help myself.
But I guess I drew my line in the sane with this beast when i got sober and said you might trick me into a lot of stupid stuff but i'm not drinking. over time i've backed the line up futher to my side and said i'm not smoking either and i'mg onna excercise and i'm gonna eat right etc.. all the while that AV part of me is thrashing and lashing out begging for its fix.
But all you can do is starve this beast dont give if the fuel it wants and it'll back off.