The way I get around this is, I tell myself, I didn't fail my marriage (indeed I tried couples counseling and even the counselor said so), I didn't fail it, the ADDICT failed it. It's not a one-person test. Now, if I had stayed, I would have stayed in a "failed situation". D*mn it, I hate the F word: FAIL. I hate it. Get rid of it.
Originally Posted by
SmallButMighty 
I totally understand this feeling.
I held that exact belief for myself for a long time. I meant my marriage vows dammit. I am strong dammit. Our love is strong dammit. If we just get passed this next hurdle it will be clear sailing into our golden years...... until....dammit, he's still drinking, dammit I can't take this anymore... GAWDDAMMIT I deserve soooo much better than what I'm getting from him...
I know it's hard. And it was really humbling for me to realize I was going to be divorced! . I felt like a failure when I ended my decades long marriage to my AXH. He made sure of that.
I know now I didn't fail. Nobody, least of all me, should be judging the choices I had to make to get healthy in my head and happy in my heart. If Id've had a spouse that cared about his health and the state of our relationship the way I did, my marriage to him would not have ended. But it did. And that was for the best, despite the growing pains it caused all involved.
Hang in there hearthealth, you deserve to be happy.
Please be gentle and kind with yourself.