Hi Joel
A fellow list maker - lol
My honest thoughts for you to digest....
How are the questions related to YOUR recovery. They all about your ex and her state of mind and her comings and goings even down to what she discusses with her friends when you not there.
And all the minute details about what happened. Adding more and more details doesn't change your position or hers in this. It still is what it is.
Some of the questions have already been answered. Are you taking in the information thoroughly or glancing over them.
I believe you want to "logic" your way out of your feelings or trying to rationalise her behavior to make it okay. You cant because its addiction.
And from what you said I think there is more than addiction - she cheated on you - alcohol doesn't create cheaters from non cheaters - they enhance what's already there - to a point.
You say you have been working on yourself and know abit about addiction but there seems to be rumination (repeating) which is not a sign of growth. Its a sign of stagnation. You can't fix what you don't accept.
She is giving you so many signs in the present that she is not a good partner and you are living in what was and what could've been.
I am not judging - I have been there. Please open your eyes and let go so you can start healing. You are hurting yourself. Its super hard . you cannot die from heartache you just feel super super crappy. But it won't be forever. Promise.