Hello all,
Thank you for all your outpouring. I do appreciate it, although I am not seeking sympathy. I did previously post this topic about a month ago, and at that point all the details were not clear, hence I started a new thread with the full story (well at least most of it). I know it may seem like I am just being a crybaby, but for a well grounded person with a solid head on their shoulders (or at least I have been told), this is truly outrageous and hard for me to fathom or comprehend.
I have digested numerous books, read numerous websites, and scientific journals since regarding the topic of alcoholism. I have attended Al Anon now 4 times, and have told my story. I read up on a variety of traits that she has displayed to also try to understand such a personality. However, all the reading, all the "understanding" still leaves me cold, confused, and quite frankly, mentally damaged goods.
What I have been doing for me since is I have started to reach out to old friends, and started to make some new friends. I even have a new best guy friend that relates to some degree with my situation, but when we hang out, we try to keep things fun unless one or the other needs to talk. It's nice having an unbiased friend who knows little compared to family members who will just trash my ex. I have been working out regularly, walking the sweet little puppy, and have even been training him to be off leash! I am still working hard at my doctorate, and although this put a large hiccup in my efforts with that, I am not deterred and should be able to finish on time. I started to listen to music I let go of a while ago, and had a great conversation with a girl until 2am regarding that music. I am on a few dating sites, but am hardly serious about it. I know I am not even close to ready for that (nor do I want to be intimate at this point...at all), but just companionship and knowing that there are people out there that can relate to my favorite interests leaves me with a good feeling.
I know this sounds like a joke, but the crippling depression from this occurrence still haunts me regularly, and crashing hard into sadness is still very regular. Try as I might to take my mind off of things, the ideas of her always come back. Some good, some bad. And unfortunately, the thought of her with this guy really bothers me still.
The questions I posed to you all here are because I don't know what to expect going forward, and will reiterate to try to focus the conversation (including a few others I forgot to mention):
1. This is addiction right? This isn't just situational drinking? Her friends indicate that this was going on before me, and it just went away for a bit when things were better thanks to me.
2. From my description, and what I know, she is still drinking. I assume this means she hasn't hit rock bottom?
3. This rehab romance; how likely is it to fail?
4. Should I expect her to eventually reach out to me? Even in her potential alcoholic haze, do you think she will think of me?
5. So this does sound like much deeper issues than just alcoholism to you all?
6. How far does it sound like I took the White Knight behavior? I can rule plenty of it out, but it does seem like I have elements of it. Also, I was not the only one to try to intervene and prop her up when she was down (aka drinking)...family friends etc also did.
7. Any other similar experiences as mine (thanks dandelion, I did appreciate your story and took it to heart very deeply, do not feel neglected, but it can't be just you and me i'm sure)?
Please feel free to respond, or make comments that you may believe will be constructive or useful. I do appreciate all the comments thus far, and it seems that although I question the good/bad ratio of people out there, you all represent the good. So, thank you to each of you for taking the time to help a person who at the moment is in a tough spot.