I went to the appointment yesterday and it was really helpful. I explained my concerns and she looked at me and said, "you know, it really doesn't matter. You guys don't need to be in a relationship right now. He is sick and trying to get help and you need help, too, to heal from this. And that's all I'm going to say about him, because he is not my client."
We talked about things that I am currently doing for me and what I need to do in the future. CODA and Al-Anon. I haven't gone to any meetings yet, mostly due to my crazy work schedule and a little social anxiety. She suggested I get a calendar and write the meeting times in. Doesn't mean I have to go, just means they are in view and available in case I want to go.
She said don't rush into another relationship. Get a puppy. Haha. I told her that is the furthest thing from my mind right now. I'm actually getting a bird. He should be ready early November. There was a real "feistybluebird" that died in September. He was my little sidekick. He would say my name is blue, how do you do? a la Johnny Cash. What's new pussycat? Whatcha doin? (every time I would grind coffee beans), Kiss kiss blue birdy...Sorry, I really loved him.
We talked about how I am doing so much better since ABF has been away. I've moved into a new apartment. She said to make it my sanctuary. No one has lived in this unit before, so there's no bad mojo, so to speak. She said keep it that way. Make it your own, make it beautiful. I told her that when I was choosing furniture, the salesperson asked me what my style is. I just stood there. I didn't even know. I completely and utterly lost who I am over the last two years. Already I can feel glimmers of me coming back, but I have a long way to go.
Sorry so long-winded today. As always, thank you for listening.
