Hi Incomprehensible
I don't really have advice for you. But just wanted to say that I am in the same boat as you. I have the same types of feelings. You are not alone having these types of feeling.
I have accepted that I am not going to heal quickly from my experience. I have accepted that its going to be a bumpy road which has some twists & turns.
I wish you peace for what you are dealing with.
Thanks