Welcome. Sorry to hear you are suffering but you are definitely not alone. I have done plenty of stupid, scary, embarrassing and shameful things when drinking. Read around on SR....you will find that many of us have.
Don't let shame keep you locked in the drinking spiral. Drink, feel shame. Drink to take the shame away......on it goes. When you quit (when you are ready) many of these feelings lessen. You can get a bit of perspective and emotions level out a bit over time.
If you want to find a way to quit, you will find lots of advice, support and compassion here.
Take care