SAH, the alcohol is causing this hopelessness and helplessness.
YOU are not helpless. Recovery is available to everyone.
Please get some outside help, even if it's just sitting in a meeting today - do something.
I got to the point in my drinking where I was so miserable that I woke up one morning and just fell to my knees and cried out, "Help me!"
That day was Day One. I'm closing in on four years now, and it has completely changed me.
You can do it, too. Just don't pick up a drink, no matter what.