It amazes me that despite individual lives, biology, upbringing and experience we can share the same destructive thought patterns. I have lost so many days in an inebriated stupor after factoring in recovery times that would always push out beyond what I had mentally scheduled. A bottle becomes two leading to sick days, hidden bottles and a web of lies I an attempt to cover my tracks.
I was depriving myself so harshly.
The thoughts remain, like you; my mind flirts with the concept that I have control and capacity to turn the switch off again.
Distraction is a necessity, stay strong ☺