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My AV is ruthless

Old 10-04-2017, 02:58 PM
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My AV is ruthless

I've had a wonderful day so far. I got up and went for a run, hung out in a hammock with my girlfriend, and did some healthy grocery shopping. My girlfriend left for her work and soon there after I get an email from my work. My work is doing some renovations and has been closed for a couple of days. The email I received states that they will be closed until Monday next week. Immediately my AV starts thinking about the fact that I could get completely hammered tonight and have a couple of days to recover. The truth is that if I drank tonight, I would drink tomorrow and the next day and instead of getting rest and enjoying these forced days off work, I would end up spending tons of money, and go back to work feeling like crap. I decided to come to SR and read and write to get this AV out of my head. I think I may go for a bike ride and get some exercise. It's amazing how our brains still perceive alcohol as a fun and rewarding activity, instead of the poison it is. Stay strong out there everyone. I'll check in later. Have a great night!
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Old 10-04-2017, 04:31 PM
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Yep, same old sucker punch. You have to decline those invitations. Those sudden random thoughts and urges are a pain.
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Old 10-04-2017, 04:33 PM
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That is how the AV works and it can seem relentless. Good for you for staying strong and making the right decision.
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Old 10-04-2017, 05:04 PM
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I'm glad you talked it through grocerease

D
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Old 10-04-2017, 06:51 PM
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I'm glad you didn't fall for the BS.
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Old 10-04-2017, 09:06 PM
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Fantastic post, grocerease. So true, really nailed it. I like the way you're thinking!
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Old 10-04-2017, 11:23 PM
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Good work groserease . After 45 years of drinking there are 45 years of memories and it wasn,t always bad . The subconscious is going to randomly throw some memories to the surface good ones and bad ones . I think the so called AV is just a memory of when times were good and its human nature to occasionally dwell on good memories , its knowing that with alcohol the good times didn't last for us and know that to dwell on those memories is unhealthy at best and catastrophic at worst for the alcoholic .
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Old 10-05-2017, 02:32 AM
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It amazes me that despite individual lives, biology, upbringing and experience we can share the same destructive thought patterns. I have lost so many days in an inebriated stupor after factoring in recovery times that would always push out beyond what I had mentally scheduled. A bottle becomes two leading to sick days, hidden bottles and a web of lies I an attempt to cover my tracks.
I was depriving myself so harshly.
The thoughts remain, like you; my mind flirts with the concept that I have control and capacity to turn the switch off again.
Distraction is a necessity, stay strong ☺
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Old 10-05-2017, 09:46 AM
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I've made a decision to never drink again, my Big Plan a la AVRT( great threads on those ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum) . The whys and hows aren't important to me anymore, but my Plan is.
One of the most important ideas I had to grasp, and once integrating helpful ideas, is that my Plan doesn't or need not protect against 'want' (AV) , it can't actually , nothing can. The want / desire for alcohol/intoxication , the Beast in AVRT, once born, IT will always be a part of me. My Big Plan: " I will never drink again , and I will never change my mind" doesn't/can't remove that inherent desire or Its expression, the AV, but is the solution /answer to removing the choice for more booze, ever again.
Learning about AVRT showed my how to 'hear' the AV and how to stop 'Listening' to IT.
The Beast's ironclad will is always : more more , My ironclad BP is always the answer. Hearing your AV isn't a threat , listening to IT means you've become your AV and all bets are off.
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Old 10-05-2017, 11:39 AM
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Glad you came here and posted, I noticed you joined SR back in 2013, how much sober time do you have?

I joined in 2012, and took my last drink on NYE 2015. I have been posting here daily as part of my recovery plan since, and it really helps. If you are working on getting sober again join the October 2017 class, it helps having the support of others who have also stopped drinking this month. Another great thread is the 24 hour thread, I check in there each day, and have formed friendships with an incredible group of people who are there for the good days, and the bad.

Glad you are here and checking in.
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