Originally Posted by
leanabeana 
I've been to about 10 AA meetings and I'm struggling with a lot of the dogma. Today we read the beginning of Chapter 5 "How It Works".
Hi Leanabeana,
That's great you're taking action in your recovery.
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program,
usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of be ing honest with themselves.There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which
demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average."
I chuckled at myself reading this (at me, not at your) because it brings back a ton of memories in the beginning of my 12 step journey when I hated the big book so much. There were times I'd feel so angry at what it said, that I'd storm out of the room.
This really bothers me. It's basically claiming that their program has a 100% success rate for all except the poor souls who are incapable of being honest with themselves. It's not because there is anything wrong with the program because that would be impossible.
That's not exactly what it's saying. They're not speaking from a place of ego like "this is the greatest program in the world and if it doesn't work it's your fault." I think they're referring to those who suffer from extreme types of psychological illness. The ones who are in mental institutions.
This reminds me of my mother telling me I have a debilitating disease because I don't pray hard enough.
Oh how I wish I could save you from all the wasted years (decades) I lost because I kept replaying old tapes from the past. I kept reading the big book with my emotions instead of just putting that all to side and doing what it said. I was so angry early on. I read into everything the big book said. I hated how outdated it seemed.
You do not have a debilitating disease because you don't pray hard enough. I'm sure the healthy part of you knows this. You have a debilitating disease because you are an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a spiritual malady that centers in the mind and also has a physical allergy. Stay factual. Your mother does not speak truth. Many people do not speak truth. Put your pride to the side and stop letting what other people say or do get under your skin. And that includes the words of the big book. I say that with an enormous amount of love, understanding, and unfortunately experience.....
How do you reconcile this? I'm not trying to attack, I just really want to understand if I'm misinterpreting or reading too much into this.
I read into way too much in the big book. How did I reconcile it? I finally stopped reading it with my emotions. I stopped being bothered by it. I stopped taking it apart and finding fault with it or wanting to rewrite it. I stopped saying that what it said was wrong. I stopped critiquing and analyzing what the book said. I stop nit-picking it. I saw that I did that as excuses to not want to follow AA's program.
I just stopped.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, stopped talking, stopped thinking, stopped analyzing. I just jumped in and followed the simple clear suggested instructions of the steps I was given.
I started to hear the book differently. It was a slow change, but it's a beautiful thing to look back on. With each time I hear a certain chapter being read, I still hear it with a different set of ears. I get something new out of it each time, or it reminds me of past ah-ha moments. And each week when I share at my home group, I get to pass on that gift.
A number of years ago, I remember an older woman sharing in my home group. I watched her turn the pages of the big book as she was sharing with such gentle care. I thought "what a nut!" What I was seeing was actually gratitude from someone who had gotten to the other side.
The big book changed my life. But I fought it for a very long time. Maybe this is just your journey.
I sincerely hope that helps. :-)