Rob and Stonger, OMG, if I think about the money I spent over a 10 year period of going to happy hour every night... I could have bought 2 Porsche Cayman S's. I have no clue how I came up with the money, no clue. Also the wasted time. I was so much more healthy. When I cleaned up my act I felt good. That is not the case anymore.
I'm not feeling very good today. I went back on my depression meds and was starting to really come back and feel better. Since the relapse 5 nights ago (I think), things have just got worse and worse. I have serious food sensitivities and auto immune issues. The antidepressents actually seem to help regulate everything. Like I said the other day, I feel like I really ruined something. It was going very well, comparatively on Saturday. Then I went out.
Also this credit card thing I talked about really got me stressed. I actually woke in a panic today about it. Then I was supposed to meet my dad at the bank and try to get another card and he had to rush my mom to the ER again (she's been having issues). Getting him to follow through on anything is a challenge. I was really thrown off again. I really get riled up inside and spinning thoughts, and a rush of chemicals. I'm a ruminator, big time.
At 4 I was absolutely going to go drink, as someone else said "The adrenaline burn of needing wine"(exactly), but my father called and asked me to come back to the house, just to be here while he went out to get a few things done for an hour. He didnt want my mom alone. I did. Exhaustion started to overwhelm me and I slept from 5-7. I woke and it was dark out. Ugggghhhh.
I'm just eating a little something. The Vietnam War show on PBS is on. It's like the 16th hour of it. I think I'm going to look at Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO online though.
Viper