Unhappy Birthday
Hey everyone, its been several years since I've posted and mostly its because I thought that anything I would have shared probably wouldn't help anyone else because I was still on the wagon. Ive continued to read these forums constantly over the years and I appreciate all of your love and support for one another. This forum is very much gold.
Yesterday was my birthday and I turned 35. That, to me at least, was a milestone year and of course I decided to drink and wallow in my pity because I was unhappy with my life at the time.
When I drink, I usually drink beer, because if I drink liquor then its good night Irene. 35 was a 'momentous occasion' and I decided to treat myself to some martinis, most specifically, ketel one martini up no vermouth with olives. Basically vodka in a glass with a little salty olives to make me consume more. I proceeded to go from bar to bar, and after the fourth one, complete blackout. Blackouts are terrifying. I think I was getting kicked out of a bar, I remember bits and pieces.
My body is bruised and banged up, sitting in a chair hurts. My knuckles are bruised, I have cuts that are unexplained. My parents bought me a $300 watch and I have absolutely no clue what happened to it. I can even use a herculean effort and try to figure out where it went, or why, and play detective but I have zero clue. No clue.
The hits just keep on coming because heres the grand finale, I remember coming to, to my dad waking me up and pulling me to my feet as I was OUTSIDE of an apartment building on the lawn, completely passed out. My pants wouldn't even stay on my body. I mean, that is so terrible. I could have been killed, I could have been robbed, I could have had a whole host of horrors happen to me.
You know.... My dad was very nice and thankfully I live close to them... how he knew to come to look for me is a mystery in itself. He said he heard me moaning and found me in the bushes half on the lawn half entangled in the shrubs. Thats shameful.
My dad said, the next morning that I reminded him of a storybook drunk from an olden time, he said I reminded him of a drunk of the likes of which you don't even see anymore. That was intense of what he said.
I have to ask myself, why am I posting this? Well it helps me to speak. Maybe on the off chance such a story can help someone else on to not have that happen to them. Maybe when someone else turns 35, or 40, or 45 or 50 etc they will listen to this and not decide its party time.
I think in general, I should just be more active on this forum. The more that an individual cloisters and is quiet, the more self damage that they do with booze, at least to me anyway.
Ive been 14 hours without a drink, and whether its one day, one hour, even one minute at a time, thats all I got. Thanks for listening.