fml23.....you are dealing with beureauracy....and that generally gives enough red tape to drive any sane person mad.....Anything with insurance is a n..i..g..h..t..m..a..r..e.......
Good that you are not going to attend the meetings.... if it is going to make life worse for you.
And, those grouchy ladies you dealt with---who knows what their problem is...maybe, they have an alcoholic at home...lol.....
You do have a big pile on your plate...even if you weren't dealing with these confounding extra demands.
the word "dull" jumped out at me...(.the word ambiguous doesn't surprise me...considering that you are still invested in hope for the miracle of his recovery).....
I wonder if you are not dealing with a low level of depression..superimposed on top of mourning.....that is just a question, as I have no idea of your history along these lines....
I can still remember the hard days, with working seven days a week, with 3 small children and going through a divorce with a jerk of a husband...and, I WANTED the divorce!! I knew it was my ticket out of a situation that was strangling my soul....I held onto my goal, and I did live through it....some days were very hard. But, it wasn't like there was any other option....(go forward, or die).....
***I once read that there is a difference between grieving and depression....
grieving is an excess of very painful emotions...like you could burst from them....
and, depression is a dysphoric feeling of "deadness"...a lack of desired emotion...a feeling of "woodenness", inside....
though, people can, sometimes, have both at the same time......