That link Anvilhead provided is excellent.
Some people tell me that unless he physically gets in my way or physically hurts me, it's not abuse. Lying is not abuse. Screaming and shouting are not abuse. Breaking the house is not abuse. Telling you that you deserve to be screamed at and lied to are not abuse. "You were trying to help him for years, why would he suddenly be abusive now? Or did you just notice that he was abusive?" Yet it feels like abuse to me. I feel like I need to hear someone say: YES, that was not cool, that was abuse.
"Those people" have no idea what abuse looks like or what addiction looks like, you have seen both up close and personal.
I found, especially early in my recovery, that I was best to be selectiv about who I confided in. Meetings were a life saver for me, and SR in its early days (15 years ago and I'm still learning) and friend who I know have a good understanding of addiction.
People who have never seen addiction or abuse, or prefer to think they have not, have no idea what it is like to be us. And I pray they never find out.
I am glad you have found the safety of separation, I know it is and will be hard for you but living with abuse is dangerous and only gets worse with time.
I too was an enabler to my addicted son. When I knew better, I did better. It was hard for me to accept that it was more loving to let him go and to let go of trying to make him change, than to continue to feed the hungry bear of addiction.
I will keep you in my prayers. Many days prayer is all that saw me through.
Hugs