Thanks to you both. I know these things, but sometimes I enjoy having you guys beat me over the head with facts.
Also I've been on this roller coaster for 10 years (first 3 years were good, though there were red flags waving that I should have seen even before I married him). There are many reasons to get off this ride soon and very few not to, other than me using excuses of logistical difficulties to continue to be nonconfrontational.
I'm struggling like hell to keep some boundaries up while he's spending all his free time (and he has a lot more than me) trying to enmesh himself further with me.
You're right, it is a marathon - not just the divorce, but my recovery. His is not real, I know that. I was racing initially, but slowed down and found the right attorney for me who I feel good about doing things simply and efficiently. The first one was so busy that even though I met her a month ago, she could not see me again to discuss filing for 3 weeks and then would have no time to consider doing it until the end of Sept (met her in early August). The new one appears to be very reasonable, but I can't meet with her in person as soon as I want just because of my own schedule, and it's getting me fired up.
I'm tired. Looking for personal space and being chased around the house. I guess I just really need to complete the first step of separation so that I can sit quietly and just THINK.
Again, thanks for listening.