Programs and Reading Material
It seems my wish from my previous post that my log-in issues would magically solve themselves has been granted! I figure I should use it to my advantage while it lasts!!
AGF is now approaching 6 months of continuous sobriety. She has returned to work, continues to work a modified program (being employed means she can't attend some of the meeting she was going to, including her favorite one, which kinda sucks for her).
I continue my Al-anon weekly meeting, and hit up the Wednesday night one when my work schedule allows.
But, I'll be honest, I'm starting to question why I go most weeks. I'm having a great deal of trouble relating to the spiritual aspect of the program. I can concede to the presence of a power greater than myself, even if it is just the laws of the universe at large, but the praying and put matters into that powers hands, I struggle with relating to that. I find the mention of "god" and the constant reference to it in the daily readings and other literature to be less than helpful. It feels more like a barrier to me. For a program that claims no affiliation with a religion, it certainly holds a bias for one. This isn't necessarily bad, but it also isn't necessarily for me.
I've looked into non-religion based groups, and while I can find some nearby (read: would still take over an hour to drive to) for AA, nothing of the sort seems to exist around here for Al-Anon.
I'm going to stick it out for a while though, maybe it's just a hurdle, and I'll work it out in a moment of clarity. It just seems to be the same people, with the same things to say, week after week. Pray/read/share/pray. It's a lot of "you need to do/not do this" but not a lot of "here's how to do/not do this." I'm sure it doesn't help that the largest "group" I've ever attended was about 8 people. The people listed as available to be sponsors on the phone list haven't been to a single meeting since I've been going (Apr/May). I see the potential in the program, but I'm not sure I'm experiencing it. I think more of my progress and insight is coming from places like this site, and articles I find to read online.
So, with that being said ... besides CDNoMore, anyone read anything NOT generally heard of that was enlightening or eye-opening? Maybe something that isn't so much of a high level overview, but more in depth about the thought and behavior patterns, and how to overcome them? Also, if anyone has any heavy hitters about trust in relationships, even if those are just high level thinking points, I would love to hear of them too.
We have been in kind of a holding pattern life wise for the last 6 months, concentrating on wellness, and making positive and healthy changes in our lives. But, as with life, we can't stay in this holding pattern forever. We will be looking at making some pretty major life decisions at the very start of next year. Time and tide wait for no man (or woman!). I see no reason in the current state of things to fear these changes, but the more open my eyes are to my own patterns and behaviors and feelings, the better base I will have to make these decisions on.
I wish you all strength, peace, and clarity.