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Programs and Reading Material

Old 09-19-2017, 12:07 PM
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Programs and Reading Material

It seems my wish from my previous post that my log-in issues would magically solve themselves has been granted! I figure I should use it to my advantage while it lasts!!

AGF is now approaching 6 months of continuous sobriety. She has returned to work, continues to work a modified program (being employed means she can't attend some of the meeting she was going to, including her favorite one, which kinda sucks for her).

I continue my Al-anon weekly meeting, and hit up the Wednesday night one when my work schedule allows.

But, I'll be honest, I'm starting to question why I go most weeks. I'm having a great deal of trouble relating to the spiritual aspect of the program. I can concede to the presence of a power greater than myself, even if it is just the laws of the universe at large, but the praying and put matters into that powers hands, I struggle with relating to that. I find the mention of "god" and the constant reference to it in the daily readings and other literature to be less than helpful. It feels more like a barrier to me. For a program that claims no affiliation with a religion, it certainly holds a bias for one. This isn't necessarily bad, but it also isn't necessarily for me.

I've looked into non-religion based groups, and while I can find some nearby (read: would still take over an hour to drive to) for AA, nothing of the sort seems to exist around here for Al-Anon.

I'm going to stick it out for a while though, maybe it's just a hurdle, and I'll work it out in a moment of clarity. It just seems to be the same people, with the same things to say, week after week. Pray/read/share/pray. It's a lot of "you need to do/not do this" but not a lot of "here's how to do/not do this." I'm sure it doesn't help that the largest "group" I've ever attended was about 8 people. The people listed as available to be sponsors on the phone list haven't been to a single meeting since I've been going (Apr/May). I see the potential in the program, but I'm not sure I'm experiencing it. I think more of my progress and insight is coming from places like this site, and articles I find to read online.

So, with that being said ... besides CDNoMore, anyone read anything NOT generally heard of that was enlightening or eye-opening? Maybe something that isn't so much of a high level overview, but more in depth about the thought and behavior patterns, and how to overcome them? Also, if anyone has any heavy hitters about trust in relationships, even if those are just high level thinking points, I would love to hear of them too.

We have been in kind of a holding pattern life wise for the last 6 months, concentrating on wellness, and making positive and healthy changes in our lives. But, as with life, we can't stay in this holding pattern forever. We will be looking at making some pretty major life decisions at the very start of next year. Time and tide wait for no man (or woman!). I see no reason in the current state of things to fear these changes, but the more open my eyes are to my own patterns and behaviors and feelings, the better base I will have to make these decisions on.

I wish you all strength, peace, and clarity.
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Old 09-19-2017, 12:27 PM
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HoneyBeez, there is a thread in the stickies that lists reading material that SR members have found helpful. It's here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...d-members.html (Miscellaneous books recommended by the members.)

Also, have you read any of the Alanon material like "Paths to Recovery" or "How Alanon Works"? Amazon typically has tons of used Alanon literature, very reasonably priced, and you might find those to be helpful. "Reaching for Personal Freedom" is a new workbook that Alanon has come out with that maybe you'd find useful, although of course you'd probably want to buy that new. I find the reading material to be way less "God" heavy.

Hope that helps.
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Old 09-19-2017, 01:36 PM
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I do have the list from our stickies saved to a draft email (LOL). It's just hard to gleam from the descriptions if they are more high level overview types of reads, or down to the nitty gritty actual practical practices I can put to use. I try sometimes to read the user reviews on Amazon, sometimes they tell more than the actual descriptions!

I have MANY of the Al-anon books ... heck, we sent 2 reps to the state assembly off book purchases, and I know I contributed heavily to that! We do a workbook in our Sunday meetings in week 2 (I think) of each month, and that might very well be the one. I bought the daily readers, just to find I don't actually like them at all How Al-Anon works is in my car. I read it at lunch some days. I'm on my 3rd time. I think I'm hoping to get something I didn't see before from it at some point. lol. I have a few others, Living with Sobriety, Alcoholic Marriage (don't waste your money on this one, it's circa 1920's), and one or two more. I don't think I have Pathways. I'll have to look to see if we have it.
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Old 09-19-2017, 01:43 PM
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I typically don't buy a book until I've had a chance to read it first. My county along w/3 others has ALL of their material listed online, and I can go online to search and reserve whatever I want and then have it sent to my local library for pickup--all FREE, and typically takes only a few days.

You may want to check in w/your local library system too, as they may offer something similar. Doesn't cost a cent to check out a book and you'd be surprised what is on the shelves sometimes.

That way, you can take a look at the book and if it doesn't appeal, back it goes. If it opens doors for you, then you can search it out on Amazon or Thrift Books online for cheap.

Along the lines of not being happy w/your meetings, you could try the chat rooms here at SR, or online/phone Alanon meetings, too.
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Old 09-19-2017, 01:55 PM
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My library has the same set up within the county libraries, but it's poorly organized, and often, I find it faster to stop down, let them search, and then have them sent there. Extra time, but a trade off of less frustration!

Which reminds me ... a book I borrowed is due back day after tomorrow! I have to go there anyway! Maybe I'll mention a few from the sticky list while I'm there, see if I get any hits from them!!
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Old 09-19-2017, 01:59 PM
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Originally Posted by HoneyBeez View Post
I can concede to the presence of a power greater than myself, even if it is just the laws of the universe at large, but the praying and put matters into that powers hands, I struggle with relating to that.
this is me exactly. I like the SMART program which has online meetings if you can't get to the face-to-face ones, including some "Friend & Family" ones, which I presume are the equivalent of AlAnon. I'm still under the number of posts needed to post links, but it's easy enough to find on the SMART webpage
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Old 09-19-2017, 02:08 PM
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a couple of books, on amazon....."Loving someone in Recovery" and "Everything Changes"...you can read the reviews of them, in case you haven't already heard of them.....lol...
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Old 09-19-2017, 02:10 PM
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Honey Beez....have you read through the articles in our extensive "library" of excellent articles?
In case you haven't, already....here is the link....

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
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