Originally Posted by
dandylion 
Becki...oh, yeah....it makes sense....I believe that you are saying that you don't trust yourself...when you don't have him as a "safety net".....a fear of being on your own.....fear of the unknown....
It is much more comfortable with the "devil that you know".
As miserable as you describe (and, I believe that you are)....such misery has become your normal....your comfort zone......
This is what it sounds like to me.....
I always thought I was stronger than that, but you're right. I've actually said those words...he's the devil that I know and I've lived this way for so long that a little longer wouldn't hurt me...then he goes on a binge and it starts all over. I have to break the cycle...I know that and I want to and I will.
I've gone this far and walking into the new house last weekend, I got a glimpse of a much much better life. I have hope. So, I'll focus on what I'm going to say and I'm going to tell him today.
You must have a lot of experience dealing with individuals with anxiety. You understood that I was just building up all the dread/fear in my mind. It's an irrational fear, I know. Thank you so much!