Upsidedown.....You can't just turn off your emotions. Feelings at real....it is just a matter of how they are managed, that counts. That is where the head comes in...to help us make decisions that are best for our own welfare.
In certain situations, in life, this can be a very challenging and difficult thing to do.
I totally get that you have felt in love with him, and, therefore, reluctant to back away from the relationship. Your relationship is fairly recent, and you most certainly are still in the infatuation phase of the relationship. It is a normal phase and is dominated by a lot of the feel good hormones.
Most people are on their best behavior in the beginning....and, we want to see the very best and believe the very best about them. All very normal.
From reading your posts...It looks that he has probably tried very hard to either hide or control his drinking and put his best image forward, for you.
No doubt, he has been fighting a "war" in his own brain to do this.
Unless an alcoholic is in a recovery program and diligently adhering to it...they can only "white knuckle it" for so long....
and, as the novelty and glittery newness of the early relationship begins to fade, a bit (a natural occurance), and the feel good hormones recede a bit, one is very vulnerable to the pull of the disease.
Others, from the outside, are not going to "feel" your feelings. They are going to look at the objective facts...and, make their judgements from that objective point of view.
It is best to talk about it with those who do understand, because they have had experience or been through it themselves.
You are going to go through a natural process of grieving this relationship. Be prepared for that. Grieving sucks...it can feel like tearing flesh from bone, sometimes. You are going to need to get as much support as you can....
I certainly hipe that you began to read those articles that I suggested from our "library"...in the section called classic readings.
Here is the link, again.....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
I highly suggest that you read the book...practically, a bible, around here....called "Co-dependent No More"....you can get it on amazon,com or the library.
Face to face support from those who have been through what you are going through. Alanon is usually recommended. If there was alcoholism in your family of origin, or severe dysfunction, in some way...Adult Children of Alcholics is a good choice, also....
I hope that you continue to post and read and learn.
Knowledge is power.
If you don't take this time to come to terms with any underlying dynamics of your own...you will, almost certainly, end up in another similar relationship....without even realizing it....We repeat our patterns unless we gain insight into our selves....
I know that you feel awful, right now...but, don't forget, as wretched as this is...it is also an opportunity for you to make great changes that can change the rest of your life....
You can get through this!