Glad you are here 50! It does seem to get harder with each cycle of starting and stopping. The morning was always shameful for me, but hen yes the urge to drink always showed up. A big part of stopping is getting to the point where you will do whatever it takes. I also believe that one drink is too many for me. None is the only answer for me because one is never just one. I knew I couldn't quit alone. That is why I came and why I still am here. This is a great community to work out sobriety. I hope you read, post and learn skills to get sober!