Originally Posted by
Gru 
I just want him to understand that this is a big deal, that I'm not nothing.
He may never ever understand that, Gru, or even if by some miracle he
does understand, he will never ever
admit it.
XAH never cheated on me (that I know of) but he did lie to me day after day after day for virtually our entire 19-year marriage. He used our savings to fund his hidden cigs and alcohol. And I still don't think, 2 years post divorce, that he truly thinks he did anything all that wrong. I myself cannot imagine in what world it is OK to control someone else's knowledge of reality and to steal from that person, but apparently in HIS world, it's not a big deal.
After struggling for a long time to try to make him see that, I finally had an epiphany: It didn't matter if HE thought it was a big deal or not. What mattered was if
I thought it was a big deal.
I think the lesson for you might be the same...