Brother, you sound just like I did. I did that s#it for 4 years. Four years man...trying to stop on my own...no matter how hard i tried, it just would never work.
At the end i was drinking 1.5-2 liters of vodka or vat 69 a day. Then beer for dinner and fireball for dessert . My neighbor found me on my sidewalk and picked me up and I woke up a week later in the hospital.
I almost died man. I've almost died a lot of times. What was different this time was it was over for me. The drs (yup a team of them) said i wouldn't live another 3-6 months if i continued to drink.
I was on a half a dozen different medications and in the hospital for 4 months.
They didn't give me much more than a snowballs chance in hell.
What did save me from it all was a decision that I made. It was that I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk. An I'd do whatever they needed me to do so I could live.
that was 18 months ago, bro. I was in and out for 2 decades. Never able to achieve anything long term. If i can do it, so can you. It stops when you say it stops.
Call an ambulance, go to an ER...just take the decision out of your hands and make one to live.