Thank you Tatsy,
I found that when I stopped drinking my 'depression' disappeared so I knew it was purely the alcohol causing it. I'd had anxiety since childhood and it remained when I stopped drinking so I believe I may suffer from an anxiety disorder. But AVRT and RR has taught me not to blame anxiety for drinking, and that has been a hugely liberating experience. However I find with some amusement that everyone around me is adamant my drinking was 'caused' by some 'underlying issues' even when I'm telling them flat out that no, it's my fault and no one and nothing else can 'cause' drinking. I can hear AV in their voices.
I will seek some help for the anxiety but I see it as a separate problem entirely.
(And thank you GT I do appreciate your input)
Keep moving forward.