Stacy, I think this is pretty standard deflective behavior from an alcoholic. My soon-to-be ex alternates between self-pity and depression at how badly he has messed up his life and blaming others, especially me, the ONLY person stupid enough to have supported him in recent years.
Just this past weekend he launched into a tirade about how selfish I am, how my constant "berating" has *forced* him into alcoholism and a half hour of other such nonsense. He could have been--and was--talking about himself and his own behavior. After about five minutes of this, I just started laughing at him. It was all just so patently untrue and ridiculous, I found it hilarious. I do EVERYTHING in my home...take care of money, work, childcare, cook, clean...while he mopes on the couch, watching TV and drinking vodka all day. I tried for years to help him before it finally penetrated my thick head that only he can do that.
I think most alcoholics are quite self-loathing, and that anger and depression often gets directed outward, especially when they've been drinking and their thinking is disordered and illogical. It is important NOT to take this personally or rise to the bait, because of course this is yet another tactic to allow them to drink with less guilt.
This is easier for me to recognize now that I've filed for divorce. I'm getting this craziness out of my life on October 15 or as soon as our house sells, whichever comes first.