DesertDawg

Thanks for another thought-provoking post Sao. The old "it's Friday, it's been a tough week, time to toss back a few and blow off some steam." And if I'm honest, that probably worked fine for most people, including many friends of mine...they woke up Saturday feeling a bit off, and wisely reined themselves in for the rest of the weekend. Unfortunately--and despite mountains of evidence to the contrary--it took me years to realize that I wasn't "most people." I woke up Saturday, feeling badly, and "Hey! no need to be at work, let's have a drink!" Thus Saturday evaporated into a boozy ether which lasted the entire weekend. I would emerge from the fog Monday morning feeling like death on a stick, popping a couple of morning drinks to "get myself right" (aka-fight off withdrawal symptoms). I then enjoyed a miserable, hot, sweaty, anxious Monday, a slightly better (but still not good) Tues/Wed/Thurs, and started the insanity all over again after work Friday. Why I ever thought this was a healthy pattern of living, I'll never know. At a certain point it becomes academic -- I've been sober for almost a year-and-a-half, and I'm only looking back enough to remind myself what I need to avoid.

If anybody still going through this can take anything from my experience, it should be this: A big reason I was able to continue like that for years was a lack of accountability. I live alone, had no family in town, had withdrawn from friends for the most part, and didn't let on to anybody that I had a problem. I showed up for work Mondays, there was money in the bank, and the bills got paid, so I was left alone. That's a dangerous mix for an alcoholic. I only got better after I let people know I had a problem and they held me accountable for my own recovery.