Wife of an alcoholic
Good Afternoon,
I just joined this page, first time posting to any forum. I have been married for 11 years to my husband who has been drinking for 6 of those years. He admits he has a problem & says he wants to quit but does nothing to help himself & puts the blame on me. He drinks alone & does not drink in front of me or our 2 kids (daughter 17, son 7) but it is not a secret either. He is just ashamed so drinks alone. I have held onto hope for so many years because he always holds a job, most would never know he drinks for he does not stumble or stutter but on average he drinks 12 beers a day. He has stayed consistent for years but this last year he did a few things I cannot ignore & realized it could get worse & probably will. He went into detox for 3 days last year & tried another 2 times to quit but does not seek help & always tries to do it alone. I just do not believe he is really ready to quit. I have educated myself on this disease & I do not allow his blaming to sink in for I know that is just a part of the disease. I work full time & could financially afford to support me & my kids & I am running out of hope & energy. Our marriage over the years is slowly turning into roommates for I am not attracted to this disease & he wants more out of our marriage but I have told him as long as he drinks, this is the best I can do. I would do anything to support him should he really want to quit. I would go to meetings or take care of the house & kids if he wanted to go to meetings & do whatever it takes. But he thinks it is a quick fix, let's have a good weekend & all will work out but there is no quick fix. I have no issues doing the work. Even if it takes a few years for then we get the rest of our lives but he does not seem to want to do the hard work. I want more for my life & for my kids. My oldest has noticed & in time my younger one will too. I want them to understand marriage is hard & you fight for it but I do not want them to see their Mom stay in a situation that is not fair to us. I am reaching the point of asking him to leave even though it breaks my heart for our marriage & my son who loves him to death but I am not really helping him by staying & just allowing him to continue drinking because he is comfortable with a roof over his head & our bank account to drink from. It is so hard for me to be the mean one & ask him to leave until he is quits but I have to remind myself how I am helping him? Sorry for the long post! Any thoughts, ideas or advice are welcome!