Code:
Based on your posts, I've noticed you crave attention. And any kind of attention will do, even negative attention. As a matter of fact, you seem to particularly seek out negative attention. And you obviously get a thrill out of it.
This was abundantly clear in the story you shared about speeding along on your motorcycle after a problem with your girlfriend. An event that ended up in a high-speed chase and police pulling you over and roughing you up. Your need for attention was so great that night that you were not only willing to risk your life, but the lives of other, innocent people as well. Could you have lived with yourself if you had killed someone that night? How far will you go in order to get attention?
Your need for attention is also clear by the nature of your posts. You tell us you're about to act in a unhealthy manner and then you sit back and wait for us to react. You like attention. You crave it. You need it.
But it's not our attention you really want. It's not attention from pretty girls, or drug dealers, or alcoholics, either. It's self-love that you're craving. For some reason you don't think you're worthy of love and healthy relationships, so you look for attention elsewhere, from external sources.
And the reason that you keep seeking more external attention and shouting "hey everybody look at me!" is because external attention doesn't satisfying your need for internal attention, your need for self-love.
That's where the "taking care of yourself" part of Alanon comes into play. I interpret "taking care of yourself" as learning how to love yourself. Learning to be nice to yourself. Learning how to stop criticizing yourself. Learning how to forgive yourself for past mistakes. Learning how to accept your weaknesses. Learning how to value your strengths. Realizing that some folks may not notice, value, or appreciate your strengths and what you have to offer to the world. Accepting that that's something that you can't change. Recognizing that you have emotional needs and learning how to fulfill them yourself. Learning how to take care of yourself when life throws you a curve. Learning how to recognize toxic people and situations and how to avoid them. Realizing that you are every bit as handsome, as worthy, as interesting, as intelligent as any man. And most of all realizing that you are worthy of love.
Your attention-seeking tactics obviously aren't working, as you keep trying and failing to get the attention you need. Don't you think it's time to try a new tactic?
Don't you think it's time to try Alanon? You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
The choice is yours.