Originally Posted by D122y

All,

I am feeling as solid mentally as I have felt in at least 15 years. My confidence was high enough that I thought I could start to have a "snort" on special occasions. Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. I am an addict for life.

I know from SR, over and over and over, that is how it starts. Some folks go right off the edge into multi week benders. I am tippy toeing up to the edge.

The normies really don't get it. The active addicts don't get it. I didn't get it until I joined this website.

The best advice I received..that I will tattoo on my eyelids is..... when put in that position I will bow out w style. I will give my shot to my nearest friend after a ceremonial heartfelt toast.

The second best advice, if they remain insistent, is tell them I am allergic to alcohol. If I drink it, I get ill and I could have a breakdown. It is not a lie.

Anyway...

This place and AA are my tools to stay clean.

My wife always tells me I don't have any friends, it is hurtful. She does it to be mean sometimes, because I make her mad. That was part of the pressure I felt to drink at the party.

I still suffer anxiety and I know it is directly magnified by drinking. I remember back in the day, how the hangover anxiety started out lasting a few hours, then a day, then a week, then a month, then a year.

I don't have another relapse in me. I will go insane. Addiction is cunning and baffling. It is waiting in the back of my emotions to destroy me.

While normies might not think 1 small shot of booze in over a year is the door to Hell opening again, but that is how I, the addict, need to approach it.

I am not afraid to call myself an addict here. My problem is when I was in a room full of normies and active addicts.

This place is saving my life.

Thanks.