Hi. I and most other people here know and FEEL what you are going through.
I know how powerful love or whatever can be confused for love is.
Maybe if you stick it out, completely sharpen your education on addiction and co dependancy, get yourself help and a support system on how to navigate this darkness, he will see the light and you guys can have an awesome time growing together and getting through a serious life destroying issue.
It's going to take complete work on your part. You are going to have to take a back seat to drugs. You are going to have to wonder what's going on when they are not around. It's going to take Christ like emotional control, fortitude, and nothing but self sacrificing love and support.
You are going to battle feelings of abandonment. You are going to wonder if You are being used. Which sadly you are. Even if its not intentional. You will have to deal with lies and half truth. Even if its not intentional.
You may cross boundaries of acceptance of behaviors and things you never imagined bringing into your life.
It's a destructive life that can destroy everything. Even if you have the most loyal and caring addict in the world.
Time may go on for months and things might not get better. Years and it might not get better. Sleepless nights. Constant angst. Hurt, fear, anger, hopelessness can set it.
There will be moments when everything will seem good and well. Bliss. Then the beast will demand to be fed. It was only just resting while you were enjoying the crumbs of what could be.
Then they are gone. Your begging, and pleading, love, support, reasoning will no longer matter. They will be off rewarding themselves with other people, not giving you a care in the world while you are in pieces trying to hold life together.
Your friends may not understand. They are where you may have been prior to ending up in this nightmare.
You may try to live a normal life. Maybe working, maybe going to school.
People may like you, but you might end up feeling abnormal. Like you are living in darkness. Your going to see other loving and doting couples in your day to day life and you will yearn for that.
Time will go on. You will age as rapidly as they do. The awful feeling you will have to live with is not what your partner is most likely feeling. They are going and getting high. When you display how you are feeling they will vanish because only the people who love them bug them about something they only see as a problem when really bad things happen.
Your self esteem and confidence can suffer a great deal if you have to deal with your spouse choosing to consort with lowly addicts instead of you. You could be at home wondering what's wrong with you.
Jesus love is what it takes. A love for this person so deep that nothing matters. That you fully accept this person and who they are, where they are, and what they choose for life.
Then if that day comes... They are ready to get help... it will be renewed hope. It will be glorious. Except they are all messed up. They need to focus on themselves. They might get off drugs and end up meeting someone in rehab. Compulsion. They may decide they need to focus on themselves, all of which is fair and valid.
Hopefully in this time you have gotten your own help. You are now strong enough and have let go of all control. You are rolling the dice with only hope that you will now finally have what you so strongly desired. But you are so strong, that if the above happens you are ready to face it.
Maybe they recover. And maybe they are what you dreamed of. Maybe they are now different people. You then wonder why you put all this time and draining life force into this. More hurt. More pain. The band aid stayed on way too long. Now it's time to face the heartache again. All those familiar feelings will come back. Now it's time to mourn for who knows how many times... again.