thanks to all of you who have replied! I think I will be on this site quite a bit. My mother never went to alanon. She never would have gone to a group meeting for this in her life- I may look into it myself.
I have a pretty busy life right now, I HAVE been trying to do things for "ME" lately. I am working on a degree, bought a camera and am teaching myself photography, work part time and helping at my daughters cheerleading. Probably the only thing that I'm not doing enough is going out with friends. Almost all of my friends stay home with their husbands and children, so there just isn't a huge opportunity to go out, but I am sick of sitting at home everynight with the kids while DH is out drinking. This makes me feel like a doormat. I want him to wonder where I am once in awhile and I want to come home and when he asks if i'v been out drinking or whatever I want to say" I don't know what your talking about! your crazy!"
I already sort of have an idea in my head of what I am going to do. I will probably divorce him, but I need to save some money first and I want to finish my associates degree first, so that I could get a decent job that pays decent wages for a change. I need to get all my ducks in a row and I want to stay with DH and let him feather my nest as much as possible.
I know this sounds heartless but I have been married for 18 years. I have taken care of the house and everything surrounding it while he worked on his career. Now he is in a place where he is worth alot of money and I have skills that don't pay anything in the workforce. Old story I'm sure.
thanks again for the support!
Sometimes I wonder if DH actually quit drinking today if I would even love him again like I used to.